


The Magic Teapot [VHS]

by x_los



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes (Downey films)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3334214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_los/pseuds/x_los
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moriarty discovers something interesting about his subordinate, and then discovers his mistake. A modern AU. Crack. (I suggest reading the author's note.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Magic Teapot [VHS]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greencrook](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=greencrook).



> So my friend Greencrook (http://greencrook.tumblr.com/) was trying to buy a teapot for our friend Anadapta (http://anadapta.tumblr.com/). Instead, she stumbled upon The Magic Teapot (http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Magic-Teapot-VHS/dp/B00004CTLH/ref=sr_1_114?ie=UTF8&qid=1423615404&sr=8-114&keywords=teapot). 
> 
> Quoth she: 
> 
> I wanted to buy ana a teapot  
> and I found like..a vhs..called "my magic teapot"  
> the guy is naked on it  
> I don't think it's about a teapot
> 
> To our DELIGHT, the product has this summary:
> 
> "Apart from his less than fully developed facial hair, Michael leads a problem-free life until he discovers a teapot which contains the Fairy Clonemother; and from thereon in it all gets a bit unbelievable with loads of gay sex." 
> 
> and this solitary review:
> 
> "Most Helpful Customer Reviews
> 
> Surprisingly large  
> By Craig Woods on 27 Oct. 2014  
> Exceptional teapot. Could not believe how much water I could get in there. This teapot has gone down great with all the family. 10/10".
> 
> Greencrook mused: "oh my god what if we made a Magic Teapot AU, where character A tries to buy a teapot but ends up buying the gay vhs Magic Teapot, and character B sees it as a weird code to hook up" and "let this trend replace omega alpha au", and because she loves Downey!verse MorMor and seldom gets any, and I'd promised to write her some a while ago, I decided to create an UNHOLY FUSION in all of 20 min. So here we are, and I'm not sorry.

Moriarty glanced over at the object lying on the ledge with mild curiosity. He'd called upon Moran in order to convey instructions securely, in person. Moran had politely offered his superior a cup of tea, and having been taken up on it, had gone into the kitchen to make some for them both. What Moriarty could read of the print on the box made him glance after Moran curiously. 

With some caution (though Moriarty knew how long the preparations took, and was sure he wouldn't be disturbed--and sure that Moran would excuse his slightly rude inquisitiveness even if he were), Moriarty picked up the box and read it attentively. Examined both sides. Slid out the VHS, in case it was some sort of gag and the thing actually contained--no. The tape indeed bore the label on the box. Perhaps the whole thing was a joke. But who would play a joke of that nature on Moran? Far more likely, then, that he--

Moriarty glanced into the kitchen, his eyes landing on at Moran's tapered back. It was covered by a snug jumper. Moran's well-conditioned arms were lightly lifting the old, heavy kettle from the stove top. Strange, not to have electric--but then Moran was old-fashioned. Loyal. To the VHS format, apparently, as well as to Moriarty personally. Moriarty had, perhaps, underestimated the degree of that loyalty--misapprehended its precise source. 

Moriarty put the tape down, in exactly the position it had occupied a moment ago. "What an exceptional teapot, my friend." 

"Couldn't believe how much water I got in there," Moran assented, setting it down on the stovetop with a clang. He brought the tea over and handed it to his employer. "So what can I do you for, Professor? Not here to cancel our trip, I hope?" A flicker of disappointment flashed across his face, just for a moment. Moran did so look forward to their visits to the opera. 

Moriarty's own expression softened. Even a clever man could sometimes be a fool, it seemed. How could he have missed something so obvious?

With gentle precision, Moriarty set down his tea on the same ledge the tape occupied. He took Moran's cup from the bewildered man's hand, and set it beside his own. Moriarty then lunged at Moran, grabbing the back of his subordinate's head with brutal savagery.

Even in fear, even taken aback, Moran didn't flinch, didn't raise a hand to defend himself--let his employer do what he would. Trust, absolute trust. It made Moriarty a touch giddy, and smugly complacent all at once. Moriarty kissed Moran authoritatively, hands gripping at him, and Moran slowly raised his own hands, cupping the Professor's shoulders and back--sure, reverent. 

"You needn't resort to such substitutions as your video, you know," Moriarty chided gently. “You certainly don’t require the help of any ‘Fairy Clonemother’, Sebastian.” He was amused by the ludicrous plot, but easily brought himself under control. It would be unkind to mock Moran now, and a man’s tastes were his own.

Moran started. "Did you--er. Professor. That tape was a mistake. I’m sendin’ it back, that’s why it’s out. I thought I was buying--” Moran swallowed. “Y’see my electric kettle broke. That's why I've been using--"

Moriarty swallowed, suddenly feeling a fool, suddenly furious and dangerous. He tried to pull back. Moran arrested him, and he nearly snarled with anger, surprised the thing meant so much to him, after so short a contemplation of the possibility. And yet, evidently, it did. And he could have Moran, obviously he could. But if it was a service Moran offered, like doing any other errand for the employer he respected, then Moriarty--

Moran himself broke off Moriarty's contemplations. "Professor. That's not to say I'm not interested. I am. I'm very keenly interested. I'm--well. I'm interested. Sir."

Moriarty blinked, considering him.

"'m not just sayin' it," Moran said plainly, preempting the question. 

Moriarty regarded him, and Moran held his gaze, steady. His breathing was a bit faster than normal--excitement? But his eyes were intent. Moran lied easily, and he wasn’t stupid. Moran would do a great deal to spare Moriarty embarrassment, he knew. But perhaps that in and of itself was telling, and besides, Moriarty saw more banked hunger than kindness in his expression. There was little of that twist around the eyes that marked Moran’s rare moments of weakening.

"Good," Moriarty said, with a crisp nod. "Shall we finish our tea, and then conclude the matter?"

"I was more 'opin' for a beginnin', sir," Moran risked.

Moriarty smiled, and the expression had a strange, disingenuous sweetness to it. "So was I."


End file.
